Lazy Saturnday

Meet The Cultist is a weekly feature focusing on some of the least regarded members of a Warhammer 40k Chaos Army, the cultists. In the game they are cannon fodder or a distraction at best, yet I find examining the sonder of their lives interesting. While chronology isn’t particularly important, you can start at the beginning if you care about reading them in order.

Tudax and Crucius found a pair of antique blunderbusses while raiding the governor’s mansion on an Agriworld. They have since been competing as to who can make the best use of these large bore, but single shot weapons. Tudax as taken out the ankle actuator on a Sentinel and managed to bring down a Screamer. Crucius claim to have gotten the killing shot on a Nurgle Daemon Prince, but a squad of Noise Marines were playing a cover of “his” song Please Don’t Stop Talking at it at the same time so credit isn’t entirely clear.

When not taking potshots with ancient weaponry Tudax likes “dirt farming”, that is growing Mudwyrms, a small maggot like creature grows in rich soil fed by barely decomposing flesh. Half animal, half plant they theoretically have no upper limit to size except that  once they get larger than about 3 feet long they have to spend more time eating than they are awake to maintain size. With Talon’s help he’s been working on a version of amphetamines that will reduce the amount the Mudwyrms need to sleep so they can grow even larger.

He is also an accomplished DJ, his initial claim to fame being a resampling of the ravings of Talon her recorded during a space walk. He now carries recording device nearly everywhere, especially favoring warp travel with weak Gellar Fields for the bizarre and incomprehensible sounds. These samples can then lead to songs that induce a drug like state just by listening to them.

Meet The Cultist is a weekly feature focusing on some of the least regarded members of a Warhammer 40k Chaos Army, the cultists. In the game they are cannon fodder or a distraction at best, yet I find examining the sonder of their lives interesting. While chronology isn’t particularly important, you can start at the beginning if you care about reading them in order.

Pargebus fancies himself a “special operative” wielding a brace of custom autopistols and finding any excuse he can to use his precious night-vision goggles. And while he is quite stealthy, his skills are as frequently put to use liberating alcohol and excess loot from other squads as they are employed during real battles and raid. That said his enthusiasm is well enough known that he is often “volunteered” for otherwise undesired tasks simply by adding some element of stealth or unusual entry to the mission.

Pargebus likes collecting bugs, especially esoteric xenos specimens. He has a small travel case with a killing jar, and a kit so he can bring any rarities he discovers back after the raid, to add to his fairly extensive collection. His biggest frustration is when the band is campaigning near the Eye of Terror or in warp tainted space and seemingly exotic bugs he’s caught become mundane (or worse disappear entirely) once they’ve left the influence of the warp behind. He’s commissioned Moebius to make him a warp consecrated storage container, but neither attempts have worked and in this regard Pargebus has remained frustrated.

A few of the other cultists laugh behind his back at Pargebus’s ridiculous pouffy sleeves, but as they are all that’s left of his lucky shirt Pargebus doesn’t care. Ultimately most of the other cultists don’t care as fashion is generally considered in the eye of the beholder.

If there is anyone in Khaslillie and Rheatrivix’s Awesome Fucking Band who shouldn’t be allowed to carry  a gun most members would probably suggest Talon Ogar should be so restricted. While his boon has left him without eyes, his entire skin has become so sensitive to vibration that he uses his bell for what basically amounts to echo location. Amidst the din of battle only those with the keenest hearing, possibly enhanced by exotic narcotics, and those standing directly beside Talon can even hear it’s ringing, but it doesn’t seem to prevent him from firing on targets. Unfortunately his accuracy was never the best, even when he had eyes, but all told he’s still good enough at distinguishing targets that he’s barely killed anyone worth mentioning via friendly fire.

Talon was tasked (along with a couple of dozen other cultists) to do a space walk during one raid when one of Khaslillie’s Battlecruisers found a derelict hulk and there wasn’t a Kharybdis available for the boarding action. The silence of the vacuum of space apparently didn’t sit well, and almost everyone else was forced to mute comms to silence his inhuman screams. There were of course exceptions, being a Slaaneshii cult, several members turned their volume up all of the way, and Tudax managed to snag a recording of it which he has since resampled into several hilarious and catchy songs such as “I can hear the stars, make them shut up”, “Please Don’t Stop Talking” and “I don’t want no part of this, send me back”.

Talon’s sense of smell and taste has also been magnified, and during downtime he uses this newfound talent to do a bit of chemical experimentation. Some of his more successful batches have even been passed up the chain to the Noise Marines. Talon hopes someday to make an impressive enough batch that they’ll allow him to participate in one of their gigs, though of course he’ll probably have to come up with a much more impressive instrument than a bell to have a chance.

This model wouldn’t hold up to the “50% GW” rule. The head, bell and backpack are all GW but that’s only about a third of the mini, the rest being Target. That said, I love the idea of Slaanesh (and the other Ruinous Powers for that matter) granting boons that don’t really aide in battle, and possibly are a hindrance, but help them in some way during “every day life” … It’s not really focused on by GW, but realistically (hah) not every moment is spent in war.

Pugar “The Magician” Arreon claims his big brother is a Warp Talon and that’s where he got the awesome helmet and chainsword; while the claim is patently ridiculous the sword is basically brand new … there’s no Nurgle rot, Tzeentchian sigils, and not nearly enough blood to have been looted from Khornish marines. Exactly how Pugar acquired is unclear.

In the revelry after a particularly successful battle another cultists, Cruga tried to insult Pugar by calling him a lumberjack, and Pugar responded by sawing him in half and then proclaiming that he couldn’t put Cruga back together so he was apparently a pretty piss poor magician. This struck a cord with the rest of the cult, and now there are usually raucous calls to “Show us a magic trick” from everyone else in his squad when they charge into battle.

Pugar has the distinction of having one of the few Chaos amulets not made by Moebius, though he’s not clear on the origins since it was attached when “his brother gave it to him.”

The sword and helmet are indeed spares from the Warp Talon/Lightning Claws kit. The pistol is actually from a Kharadron Overlord kit (aka fantasy sky dwarves).

Svokai Moriz is not one of the sanest individuals in the cult. It probably started when he misunderstood Seanan’s silver regimen and took a few doses of mercury. He’s since started taking the proper dosage of silver instead, but his lack of focus has left him nicknamed Wild Eyes Kai. He also dyes his beard, though it’s probably just because Anram does and so Kai assumes that was what you were supposed to do. It’s widely considered that he’s received a gift of inhuman strength from Slaanesh, because even a space marine might be hard pressed to carry around as ridiculous of a load as Kai does in the form of, in his own words, “reloads for me flail, in case I runs out in the middles of a fight. It wouldn’t do, no, not at all.” That’s right he carries what is basically 4 cannon balls around in his backpack, and doesn’t seemed phased by it in the slightly. I did warn you he wasn’t all there.

Kai usually claims he aspires to be a spaceship pilot, but his aspirations aren’t entirely consistent, and he as at various times expressed plans to become a Daemon Princess, Defiler, Ork Nob or Motorcycle. While some of this is attributable to lack of sanity, the truth is most of his poor grasp on reality is probably due to his rampant drug use (even for a Slaaneshii cultist). If he has indeed received a boon it’s likely to actually be immunity to overdosing.

Brunacus Liruxa, Brunus to his friends has been thrice blessed. Early in his career he manage to toss a grenade into a bunker where a couple of Space Marines were inspecting an Imperial Guard weapons cache. The resulting explosion obliterated all of the occupants and was pretty spectacular to boot. Brunus’s tongue grew three sizes that day, and that night during the celebration he used it to it’s fullest, earning his second boon, his magnificent horns. Brunus treats them like an art piece, painting them garish colors as the mood suites him. Further, his facility with his tongue has lead to his mouth being wired open with consecrated wire, and it’s been declared that as a shrine to Slaanesh his mouth was free use. His willing acceptance, nay embracing of his new status is likely what what lead to his third and most recent boon, one of the highest honors any cultist is likely to see, a crab like daemonette claw.

Brunus is generally considered rather dapper, wearing a silk neckerchief of one stripe or another at almost all times. Amazingly, despite the crab claw he is also an adroit sewer, and will often loot the finest textiles and clothes on raids to repair or improve the clothing and gear of the other cultists. His excellent disposition in combination with his other qualities has lead him to be a cult favorite and though he doesn’t know it, the rest of the cult do their best to keep him out of of the thickest combat during battles, feeling his talents can best serve Slaanesh outside of the battlefield.

Logore Fesryn likes long hikes in desolated wastelands, the sound of shattering glass, romance novels, and clipping off the limbs of his enemies. Another collector, Logore discovered a small cache of novels by D. Oswald Heist while his raiding party was stranded on a murder world deep in the eye of terror. It was also there that he received his boon from Slaanesh in the form of a tremendously strong claw that mutated and formed as he carried the box of books back to the ship.

He has staunchly accepted that the chances of finding any more of Heist’s novels is exceedingly slim, since the text is illegible unless there is some kind of warp activity nearby. Logore claims that this is a sign that the books are from an entirely other universe, but it doesn’t dissuade him from hanging around Mobus when he is consecrating talismans for the chance to read a chapter or two. He’s also quick to volunteer for any mission which might have a chance of bringing him into proximity of warp-rift activity.

Another “Target” body with GW bits for head and arms. Standing in a crowd of other cultists you’d probably have no idea it wasn’t GW w/out looking closely.

Anram Lutrius also follows Seanan’s silver routine, though it had the unfortunate side effect of turning his hair bluish black as well… However, being rather proud of his fiery yellow hair he’s taken great pains to redye it to it’s original color. Another big gun fanatic, Anram makes up for his lack of precision with volume of fire. In his spare time he likes to collect Xenos ID trading cards. It’s not entirely clear if these cards were actually put out by the Regimental Standard, or some shady knockoff (the truth is probably somewhere in between, but any raid against Imperial Guard will have Anram volunteering in the hopes that he’ll find some more cards whilst looting the bodies.

Several other cultists have created a game, wherein the goal is to feign interest in Anram’s card collection for as long as possible without laughing, crying. And to help keep the game alive, if Anram figures out that you are having fun at his expense you have to forfeit double your wager. Currently Vermora holds the record at nearly 137 minutes, which she achieved by solemnly declaring what methods she would utilize to burn each Xenos as Anram showed her it’s card.

Babas has been blessed by Slaanesh twice in his illustrious career, but he’s worried that he is falling out of favor. He received the boon of a coveted Daemonette claw early in his career during a battle on the edge of the Eye of Terror, but it was several campaigns later before he got his second “boon.” Some of the other cultists, in particular Rurlan Khyphus, have been dubious, but Babas claims the extra nose has vastly improved his sense of smell (even if it’s unlikely he can smell in stereo) and the extra tongue has some advantages that are obvious to pretty much everyone. While his depth perception isn’t what it was, a shotgun solves most of that issue, and he thrills in the close in combat, even the number of cultists who survive hand to hand is generally fairly low.

This is another conversion, but it’s only about 30% GW. The ridiculous shoulder pads are a bit of a giveaway; still in a mob of 30 cultists it’s nice to not be limited to the half dozen poses available from GW, especially because with just a few extra bits it fits right in. The base model is a 3rd party Imperial Guard replacement from Target games’ Warzone. If you want some additional variety for your Guard/Cult/Genestealer Cult army, you can pick up the game for about $50 which comes w/ 80 models in about 6 poses from Prince August. Apparently you used to be able to pick up JUST the minis for about half that, but I couldn’t find it on the website… so either that deal is gone, or it is buried deeper than I care to look for five minutes.

Varbhor Antrix never knew when to shut up. Even after taking a vow of silence he broke it in just over an hour, so he “volunteered” for a more permanent solution. Of course not being able to talk sometimes left him not being taken seriously so he picked up literally the biggest gun in the armory. While technically it is a hand held weapon that fires a projectile, it’s actually more of a man portable mortar launcher than a gun. Varbhor’s motto is “Walk softly and carry a big pipe and a bigger gun.”

It’s pretty obvious he’s practically dying to go on the next raiding party, probably because he hasn’t had a chance to fires his big ass gun yet. Any time there’s a hint of action he’s suited up and ready to go.

This is one of my first converted cultists. Blake had this big ass gun/missile launcher thing (I think it was from an Empire unit maybe?) and I knew some crazy ass cultist would have to haul this monster around.