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Monthly Archives: October 2017

A new island, and new challenge! This time, to get our island membership in the united nations. To do so, we’ll need to be #1 in at least 6 categories. As a tropical island, growing big Papaya’s should be easy, I’m not really sure why they’d even make that a qualifying criteria, but don’t look an easy horse in the mouth as they say.

January ’54

Plans for a papaya production facility have been laid out. Oh, who am I kidding, it’s just 4 farms in a row. Probably should get some other infrastructure up whilst I’m at it. I’ve located some nice deposits of Iron and Gold deep in the island near the old ruins  and spent most of my initial money building a couple of mines out there.

September ’54

The final farm is finally finished being constructed and lo, terrible news: The UN has canceled the award for biggest Papaya! At least my people will be well fed.

March ’55

I’m beginning to think the UN has it out for me. They’ve made it difficult to get important building materials, increase the cost to build. It’s a good thing I ordered all the stuff for the mines last year.

July ’55

There’s no such thing as Bad Publicity as they say. The UN’s attempt to stymie us has not only failed, but brought support from other nations, and even God! The first two records we’re going to bust are Most Rum Drunk, and Largest population. The first should be fairly easy the second might require accepting citizenship of everyone in China but should be fairly simple as well. What could go wrong?

February ’56

Plans for our infrastructure are developing nicely; we recently had a large donation from several countries who were pleased by how much we annoyed the UN Representative.  Penultimo has come up with a great idea, and if we can get Journalists on the island we can do a better job of publicizing our achievements. I suppose we’ll need to build a Newspaper and Television station before we achieve any of the records.

February ’57

We’ve completed a Church and Elementary School. With our World Famous Papaya business starting to bloom we need to make sure we’re getting the best price for our products and to that end I think we’ll have to look away from World Records for a bit and focus on the import export business. Everything is easier to accomplish when you’re flush with cash after all.

February ’58

Education is important. Now that the Elementary School is finished, a High School has been started. The people of this island are brave, but soon they’ll be smart as well! The future is bright indeed!


Meet The Cultist is a weekly feature focusing on some of the least regarded members of a Warhammer 40k Chaos Army, the cultists. In the game they are cannon fodder or a distraction at best, yet I find examining the sonder of their lives interesting. While chronology isn’t particularly important, you can start at the beginning if you care about reading them in order.


Crucius Rokha is currently in a competition with Tudax that will probably end up getting both of them killed. With there being some contention about his big kill (a Nurgle Daemon prince which was the target of a Noise Marine ‘concert’) Crucius is aiming to take down some thing big, and undisputable and so now keeps his eyes on the sky.

When not on the battlefield he spends a large portion of his free time on the firing range (assuming there is one) or hunting the current planet’s bird analogs. His marksmanship is quite exquisite and if he’d only deign to take a more effective weapon he’d probably earn some sort of boon from Slaanesh, though his perseverance with such a substandard weapon may end up doing the trick if he can ever bring down a big enough enemy.

He is also obsessed with fashion, and is the finest hair stylist in the band, however since he can’t abide a less then perfect cut and no one else can seem to do a good enough job to meet his standards he opts to remain bald and clean shaven. This leaves cologne and lipstick as his main fashion accessories; when he can find them on raids he’ll often part with more valuable loot from his share to acquire them.

Dael’s Adventure Part 8

Start from the beginning

While we recovered there was a short discussion of which of the remaining options to investigate, and while a few of us thought it might be worthwhile to check in with Cilla, the majority felt that pressing forward and heading straight to the park was the best option. We made it there without incident, well aside from the fact that the beautiful park had been transformed, likely by the nightmares of the city residents, into a calamity of metal, spikes and fire. Rusty steel spires pierced the the sky, which was obscured by exhaust from the multitude of oily fires gushing blood red smoke which provided an eerie flickering light.

Vyrez and Honch climbed up one of the towers to scout ahead and then they quickly climbed back down, warning us nearly too late of the return of the Manticore. This time he brought a giant animated shrubbery, apparently the official name of which was the TREE MAN FIGHTER OF THE GROUND MAN. Mortia launched a warning shot into it before it could surprise us, but it still managed to get the drop on Solei, engulfing her and pulling her inside it’s writhing mass. Whilst trying to knock it senseless, or pull her out she managed to stab me. I’m sure it was an accident though and eventually Honch managed to pull her out and finish it off with his hammer. All the while Hubert was running around providing healing droughts and Mortia and Vyrez were shooting at both monsters. Once the fighting tree was still I tried to entice the Manticore to come fight again so I could bop it on the head but instead it fled.

Solei lead us deeper into the nightmare park, though not where she intended we found ourselves in a vast, towering building full of machinery, metal walkways, and a confusing profusion of interconnected devices beyond my ken. Hubert (I think it was Hubert, I may have been a bit distracted) told me I was standing in an “elevator shaft” and once I moved out they called down a terrifyingly rickety platform which then took us up. And up. And up. After several minutes of ascending, hundreds of feet up in the tower, shadowy hands sprang from the floor, though as only Mortia was wearing a dress she was the only one caught by them. Three shadows took form, and Vyrez made short work of them with a little help from the rest of us, but before they were finished they managed to touch bare skin on both Hubert and Mortia, sapping their vitality and leaving them particularly weakened.  Thus enervated they decided to stay at the elevator to see if Hubert could concoct some sort of remedy while the other four of us proceeded onwards.

A bit more search and Honch again found a room he didn’t want to go into, which is of course were we needed to go. Inside the Diviner Dredd, most desirous of making us live up to his namesake tried to convince us that he was only the second scariest thing in the tower, we were all doomed, everything was terrible, and each time we defeated one of them the remaining ones would become even more powerful. Yet he himself dreaded facing us and fled, warning us that the true threat was menacing our erstwhile companions.

We returned to the lift only to find Mortia and Hubert absent, and as we set out to search for them we heard an arrhythmic thumping that sounded different from the machines within the structure. Seeking the source was for not until a terrifying metal monstrosity emerged from a corridor behind us. Apparently this was the Dinosaur, or some nightmare dream version of Teawrecks at least. The beast everyone keeps telling me we aren’t supposed to fight. So we’ll have to devise some other way to best it… maybe we can lure it off a cliff or something? A weak catwalk? We’ll have to think fast!

March ’61

The high school is finished, and with the arrival of a teacher from the mainland we already have two students enrolled. The middle school also only has two students so far, but the next generation well be all smartenated up and full of learning. There has been some concern about the Blimp Ride being right next door to the schools, but we assured the parents the blimps used Helium and wouldn’t explode. I’ve got someone checking to make sure the Blimps DO use Helium, and if not, how expensive it would be to switch.

March ’62

Both schools are now nearly full, and the teachers have been assured that the blimps use totally safe Hydrogen. Fortunately since practically none of them have even an elementary education we have at least a generation to fix the issue… as long as the blimp doesn’t explode in the meantime.  Tourists do keep coming to the island, even though our touristy locations are pretty minimal still.

January ’63

Our fourth mansion is finished, the second one to go up in our “historic fort district”. I’d hoped to build some nice touristy attractions here, but it is so hard staying in the black when we have to keep importing goods to process and send elsewhere. Such a pain as there is always new expansion which needs to happen I keep spending the money like it’s nothing.

May ’63

Yet again a freight has arrived with goods we can’t afford to pay for… Rather than wait possibly months for foreign aid we’ve decided to print some money. This will cause inflation, but if we can stay in the black I think it’ll be reasonable, and ultimately we just need to get to 40 factory workers to fulfill my contract with the American CEO and then I can move on to a better island! I should probably start padding my Swiss account while I’m at it, as We’ve already got half of the needed factory workers.

November ’63

Almost managed to keep in the black, but we decided to build some nice housing, specifically 3 condominiums in the harbor district. And of course project costs exceeded expectations almost immediately, not 2 weeks later and we’re back in the red again. I may just have to print some more money when right before the next freighter arrives. I mean we’re over 75% of the way to my goal… and then the massive inflation will be someone else’s problem right? What could go wrong.

January ’64

Ah ha! We did not even need to do another print run of money, the latest freighter brought in enough cash that we were able to hire a half dozen people to the newly completed weapons factory. Congratulations me!


Meet The Cultist is a weekly feature focusing on some of the least regarded members of a Warhammer 40k Chaos Army, the cultists. In the game they are cannon fodder or a distraction at best, yet I find examining the sonder of their lives interesting. While chronology isn’t particularly important, you can start at the beginning if you care about reading them in order.

Tudax and Crucius found a pair of antique blunderbusses while raiding the governor’s mansion on an Agriworld. They have since been competing as to who can make the best use of these large bore, but single shot weapons. Tudax as taken out the ankle actuator on a Sentinel and managed to bring down a Screamer. Crucius claim to have gotten the killing shot on a Nurgle Daemon Prince, but a squad of Noise Marines were playing a cover of “his” song Please Don’t Stop Talking at it at the same time so credit isn’t entirely clear.

When not taking potshots with ancient weaponry Tudax likes “dirt farming”, that is growing Mudwyrms, a small maggot like creature grows in rich soil fed by barely decomposing flesh. Half animal, half plant they theoretically have no upper limit to size except that  once they get larger than about 3 feet long they have to spend more time eating than they are awake to maintain size. With Talon’s help he’s been working on a version of amphetamines that will reduce the amount the Mudwyrms need to sleep so they can grow even larger.

He is also an accomplished DJ, his initial claim to fame being a resampling of the ravings of Talon her recorded during a space walk. He now carries recording device nearly everywhere, especially favoring warp travel with weak Gellar Fields for the bizarre and incomprehensible sounds. These samples can then lead to songs that induce a drug like state just by listening to them.

There’s a contest on:  Visit the Age of Warhammer Blog and use their city generator to create a city. Deadline is Friday at midnight GMT so best hurry if you want to enter! Here’s my entry!

The floating town of Mystport is famed for it’s Gunnery School, drawing applications from not just Duardin, but many of the forces of Order, and even a few others, though it is rare for anyone from any of the other Grand Alliances to be allowed enrollment. When they are it is generally due to a wealthy family making massive donations; the clan of Barak-Orirrak is as greedy as the next Kharadron clan, and it’s no surprise that for sufficient remuneration, and proper insurance almost anyone will be allowed to enroll.

Nigh on a decade ago a Realmgate opened in the vaults below the town, however it quickly became apparent that on the other side of the gate was only despair; no expeditions returned, and shortly after the last one, Daemons began to start coming through. After a hard fought battle that raged throughout the vaults and catacombs the Daemons were defeated and the Endrinriggers managed to build a containment vessel around the gate, leaving the gate quiescent for the most part. It still hums and sings a miasmic tune which plagues the dreams of the residents of Mystport. Many civilians have fled, but those who’ve stayed profit greatly.

Dael’s Adventure Part 7

Start from the beginning

And yet again Honch’s military training is counting well for us. Entering the barracks, he conducted a surprise inspection, keeping the two guards busy while Solei and I snuck into the laundry room and liberated some uniforms. Mostly they fit, though since Solei was the one to smuggle everything out her uniform was hilariously voluminous after departed and distributed the uniforms to the rest of the party. I feel like we all looked quite fetching in military uniform.

Next we arrived at the armory, but it turns our out clever disguises were for not, for some massive mastiff hounds were guarding the entrance. Honch attempted to bribe them with food, but apparently they were too well trained, and so Vyrez bopped one on the head. With little other option we quickly entered a scrum with the devilish dogs who upon expiration discorporated in fantastic and disquieting manners. The first turning into a goo and then growing into animated grass. Whilst we were fighting Solei used some mystical trickery to appear inside the gate but failed to pick the lock, following which Hubert tossed acid on it and Solei used a cannon to ram the weakened door open. Once we had finished the second dog it exanded and the shrank, fluttering around and making a shrieking farting noise like a pierced balloon. Hubert and Mortia raided the armory whilst Honch gathered up the requisite materiel to operate the cannon.

Once we headed into the prison proper looking for the Diviner Honch figured out that the feeling of dread was actively trying to keep us away. The less we wanted to go a direction, the more likely it was the right way and with his direction it wasn’t long before we found ourselves in an amphitheater like room designed as a fighting pit. Here stood Despair as well as three of her minions.

They used all manner of magical and psychological tricks to make us despondent and unwilling to fight, but we managed to hold it together, encouraging each other and fighting off their malicious malaise long enough to best them in combat. The destruction of the Diviner resulted in weirdly pulsing, expanding and contracting shadow ball that finally expanded to encompass the entire arena faster than any of us could react. However it’s wake left a temporary area of invigorating tranquility, allowing us a chance to rest and recuperate.


December ’59

Our cigar factory is finally finished, however the workers are threatening to strike unless more entertainment is provided. To that end a Cosmic Pin (basically a restaurant on a super tall tower) has been planned, however I accidentally signed the papers giving the go ahead before talking to the budget committee and now we are in the red again. Downtown is really shaping up, and would be quite nice if we could get everyone out of shacks and into the nice new apartment buildings we’ve built for them.


January ’60

Congratulations to me, I won the election, and by a landslide! No, there wasn’t an actual landslide, but the final tally was 105 to 27 in my favor! And Penultimo was worried that I should try and influence the vote.


August ’60

Our space needle … ahem, Cosmic Pin is done. What a glorious monument, though we’ll definitely have to improve housing conditions, that shack filled slum is totally visible every time the view swings around.


Jaunary ’61

The middle school is finished, and highschool is nearing completion. The next generation of islanders will have an education and we will be able to stop hiring foreigners for our more complex jobs.


Meet The Cultist is a weekly feature focusing on some of the least regarded members of a Warhammer 40k Chaos Army, the cultists. In the game they are cannon fodder or a distraction at best, yet I find examining the sonder of their lives interesting. While chronology isn’t particularly important, you can start at the beginning if you care about reading them in order.

Pargebus fancies himself a “special operative” wielding a brace of custom autopistols and finding any excuse he can to use his precious night-vision goggles. And while he is quite stealthy, his skills are as frequently put to use liberating alcohol and excess loot from other squads as they are employed during real battles and raid. That said his enthusiasm is well enough known that he is often “volunteered” for otherwise undesired tasks simply by adding some element of stealth or unusual entry to the mission.

Pargebus likes collecting bugs, especially esoteric xenos specimens. He has a small travel case with a killing jar, and a kit so he can bring any rarities he discovers back after the raid, to add to his fairly extensive collection. His biggest frustration is when the band is campaigning near the Eye of Terror or in warp tainted space and seemingly exotic bugs he’s caught become mundane (or worse disappear entirely) once they’ve left the influence of the warp behind. He’s commissioned Moebius to make him a warp consecrated storage container, but neither attempts have worked and in this regard Pargebus has remained frustrated.

A few of the other cultists laugh behind his back at Pargebus’s ridiculous pouffy sleeves, but as they are all that’s left of his lucky shirt Pargebus doesn’t care. Ultimately most of the other cultists don’t care as fashion is generally considered in the eye of the beholder.

Dael’s Adventure Part 6

Start from the beginning

As we made our way to the tenement district Hubert explained a bit about Night Hags to us. Apparently they are super powerful dream creatures that consume the life force of people through a straw. Enroute we got into a bit of a discussion about whether to take the main streets or a more direct route through smaller streets. As we traveled through the apartment district several of the Basingstock natives commented that the area seemed shadier than usual, with a certain menace to it not normally found. This grew even worse once we reached the tenements. There was a river that looked to be full of crocodiles or worse, but it didn’t take too long to figure out that we the likely place for a Night Hag would be under the district in sewers or catacombs.

There weren’t any big signs saying “Sewer Entrance Here” so I suggest the possibility of smuggling tunnels leading out from the basement of a bar. Ultimately this was mainly an excuse so that Solei and I could liberate some top shelf whiskey, and whilst we were doing so Vyrez found us our secret entrance into the sewers. Once down there I was the first to hear it, but it wasn’t long before others did as well, an ominous, nay creepy, echoing laughter, as if from a child coming first from one tunnel, then another. Moments later we were ambushed by more of the exploding ninjas. I spent much of the battle flailing ineffectually, mostly because I never did pay much attention to the blind fighting lessons and I was closing my eyes each time I threw a punch to try and avoid getting blinded again.  Though on the bright side, my blind drunk defensive technique was actually pretty effective at avoiding their blows in return.

Once we had defeated them, a bit more wandering in the sewers eventually led us to a weird portal, and we found the Night Hag. Apparently she was limited to sucking up a single soul per night, so was tired and sullen. We explained the situation to her, and she suggested that probably the Diviners were anchoring the city in the dreaming, and if we could defeat them we could restore the regular cycle of day and night. She agreed to help us locate where they were likely holed up, I think largely to get us to shut up. After climbing to the top of a temple she suggested our likeliest targets were the Clock Tower (which we kind of already knew) the Park, the Red Light District, the Lord’s Keep and the Garrison.

We decided to attempt the Garrison District first, Hubert was brash and used acid to burn a hole in the iron fence, and when we were confronted by a guard, Honch used military discipline to tell of the guard. Once inside we decided to attempt to disguise ourselves as soldiers while we searched for the Oneironaught responsible.